did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
