Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
