he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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