I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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