I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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