He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
