I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
