i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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