The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
