We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
