he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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