We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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