fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize