last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she told me i tasted like america
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm always down for nudity.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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