Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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