Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
