He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Im part way to drunk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
