This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
