no, he came in my armpit
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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