Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
