need another drink. this is the easiest way
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
