pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
