Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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