then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
