dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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