I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
