He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
