He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
