i just had sex bonerless
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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