Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
