3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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