I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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