i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
