She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I AM VODKA MAN
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
