Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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