i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
