i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm always down for nudity.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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