Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
