And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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