I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
