what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Is it because I queefed?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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