I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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