; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
