After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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