HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
