Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
