i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
