Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
