our cab driver is having phone sex.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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