lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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