It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize