Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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