This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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