Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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