I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
