Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
