I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
