Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
