Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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