Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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