Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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