The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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