Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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