I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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