the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
