I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
