What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
