So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
