i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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