I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
