At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
