sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Slut skills are useful in every country.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
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