i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
