i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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