he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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