I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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