Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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