Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
