why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
