I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
