We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
