I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize