I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
