Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
