We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
