Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
