I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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