You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
