oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
