He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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