You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
