She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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