I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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