I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
