Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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