why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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