How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
