I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
