She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize