I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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