I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
