I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
