have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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