I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
